im 26 years old and ive been disabled since i was 21. used to be mobile and able to be athletic and do gymnastics and then i got injured and had to leave college and now i can barely walk and have chronic pain every day.
i have trouble moving or bending or getting up and down steps.i have pain all of the day
i have trouble managing and i havent moved out yet because of it and i havent been able to work. i didnt have a job before i got hurt because i was at school
i cant clean a home or hold shopping bags,push a shopping cart, walk more then a block, drive,do laundry or hold a frying pan.i am barely able to get out of bed some days.
i dont know if i will recover.but my life expectancy is about 98 years old before i got hurt. its genetics where my relatives live long.they dont age very fast so i have 85 yr old relatives that are very youthful and still active and walk much faster then me
i have trouble walking
i am crying in pain all day and im hoembound some days i cant get out of bed. i have trouble using the toilet, showing and dressing but i manage on my own, i want to keep my dignity and try to do things on my own. im afraid ill end up in a wheelchair, a doctor told me in a few years ill be in a wheelchair confined to one

how do i live life like this? go out into the world and start my adult life as a handicapped girl whos is pain all day crying? i live with my parents still and have never been independant and i still need to finish college but i cannot do that.i cant hold a book or walk without losing my balance or wobbling and walking very slow. it takes me a half hour to get up a few steps sometimes.i cant concentrate on schoolwork if im in pain, so theres no way im going back to college in this condition
school used to be rigorous, i would have to run down hallways and race up steps carring heavy books….

thats out of the question

my parents want me out, they will throw me onto the street if they have to and i dont belong at an institution, im a smart girl who was in an accident, but i didnt get any money because i could not sue
i dont want to spend 70 years in a nursing home
i am thinking i could get disability and move to a bad neighborhood where the rent is cheap in the projects where there are many drugdealers and men with guns and gangs and grafitti and rats. i can move in and be aquainted with my gangster neighbors who will think its odd that im the only upperclass white jewish girl in the entire building comples or projects. i live in nyc bronx so the projects here are very dangerous theres so many driveby shootings and drug infested bulidings in the projects, id be terrified and there robbingd snd muggings. id get raped or something, if they saw a pretty white girl in the building who cant run if they are in danger. id be subject to a mugging
ive had racist attacks on me in the past for being white, ive been beaten by african american men, yelled at by a few african american women a few times calling me a dirty white girl and other racist names
so i would not feel safe in a bad neighborhood thats drug and crime infested being the only white and non hispanic one there
i come from a family of all college and graduate school educated relatives and my parents are millionares , they have a pool and a housekeeper and a few cars. no one in my family has lived in poor conditions
so id be scared to go into that. my family wont give me any money, not even for food. so i need money. if i get food stamps thats 100 dollars a month since i have no children. disability checks would be about 700 dollars and rent could be about 500 dollars for a section 8 housing or projects
normally a regular one bedroom apartment here costs 2000 a month. but in the projects it might be 500-800

i need clothing too, toiletries,medicine,extra spending cash for transportation.id have to take taxis because i cannot ride a bus or subway because of crowds and its not safe im at risk for being mugged
if i had a job and wasnt disabled id have a college career and id like to make 3-10 thousand dollars a month supporting myself but i cant do that right now
i come from a rich upbrining in a nice neighborhood that is like beverly hills, alot of spoiled kids grow up here with expensive stuff, pools in their backyard, rich people who are doctors live on my block
but theres no section 8 housing here, thats all down by the bad neighborhoods with drug infestings
i know that i need 400-600 dollars a month for food and groceries. the 100 dollar food stamps wont pay for anything. food pantries dont give out more then 10 items a week. usually its canned stuff
i need vitamins daily for my osteopenia,insnunrance does not cover vitamins.i need to shop for clothes about 5 times a year. id need about 10 thousand dollars a year to spend on clothes and shoes and accesories. if i shop and spend 2000 dollars ea time, i wear plus size clothes so they add up and are more expensive then skinny sized clothes
then i need extr
i cant walk with a cane. i have pain if i lean on anything with my arm. i am probably more severely disabled then you are.

i could not possibly get through even a class of college. who will carry my books for me? how do i make sure no students bump into me in a crowded hall. how will i get to a class
what if theres a fire
how will i study if i have pain