1.Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations.
2.Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.
3.Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day.
4.Start playing Calvinball; see how many people you can get to join in.
5.Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners.
6.Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.
7.Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters.
8.Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.
9.When there are people behind you, walk really slow, especially thin narrow aisles.
10.Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, “I think we’ve got a Code 3 in Housewares,” and see what happens.
11.Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn them all off and turn the volumes to “10”.
12.Play with the automatic doors.
13.Walk up to complete strangers and say, “Hi! I haven’t seen you in so long!…” etc. See if they play along to avoid embarrassment.
14.While walking through the clothing department, ask yourself loud enough for all to hear, “Who buys this crap, anyway?”
15.Repeat Number 14 in the jewelry department.
16.Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you’re taking it for a “test drive.”
17.Follow people through the aisles, always staying about five feet away. Continue to do this until they leave the department.
18.Play soccer with a group of friends, using the entire store as your playing field.
19.As the cashier runs your purchases over the scanner, look mesmerized and say, “Wow. Magic!”
20.Put M&M’s on layaway.
21.Move “Caution: Wet Floor” signs to carpeted areas.
22.Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you’ll only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath.
23.Test the fishing rods and see what you can “catch” from the other aisles.
24.Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.
25.Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying, “…I’m Batman. Come, Robin—to the Batcave!”
26.TP as much of the store as possible.
27.Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles.
28.Play with the calculators so that they all spell “hello” upside down.
29.When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, “Why won’t you people just leave me alone?”
30.When two or three people are walking ahead of you, run between them, yelling, “Red Rover!”
31.Make up nonsense products and ask newly hired employees if there are any in stock, i.e., “Do you have any Shnerples here?”
32.Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men.
33.Take bets on the battle described above.
34.Nonchalantly “test” the brushes and combs in Cosmetics.
35.While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are. Act as spastic as possible.
36.Hold indoor shopping cart races.
37.Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from Mission: Impossible.
38.Attempt to fit into very large gym bags.
39.Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags.
40.Say things like, “Would you be so kind as to direct me to your Twinkies?”
41.Set up a “Valet Parking” sign in front of the store.
42.Two words: “Marco Polo.”
43.Leave Cheerios in Lawn and Garden, pillows in the pet food aisle, etc.
44.“Re-alphabetize” the CD’s in Electronics.
45.In the auto department, practice your “Madonna” look with various funnels.
46.When someone steps away from their cart to look at something, quickly make off with it without saying a word.
47.Relax in the patio furniture until you get kicked out.
48.When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal position and scream, “No, no! It’s those voices again!”
49.Pay off layaways fifty cents at a time.
50.Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and relax. If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don’t get out much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.

people were having trouble getting to my blog. so heres everything i have so far

STAR IF YOU LIKE! LEAVE SOME FEEDBACK.
LOVE YOU GUYSSSS.

"ding dong"…
"ding dong"…
Please answer!
The huge oak door creaks open slowly and there stands the most beautiful man I have ever seen, the man that graces every one of my dreams. The man I would sell my soul for.
He flashes a mouth full of perfect white teeth. His aviator lenses glint in the harsh sunlight. He holds out a sparkly gloved hand. THE sparkly gloved hand.
"Hi, I’m Michael. I’ve been expecting you" Such a simple sentence. But one that makes my heart beat uncontrollably.
I curse myself for hesitating to grab his hand. Maybe it is the huge snake, tenderly known as Muscles, coiled around his body. Or maybe it’s the fact that my palms are getting increasingly sweatier by the second.
Deep breaths. Take deep breaths I tell myself.
"Hello. Michael. I’m Lauren."
The next thing I remember is waking up on a comfy red couch. Mannequins of all shapes and sizes are hovering over me. I immediately sit up and inspect my surroundings. Oh my God, could this be reality? Am I really inside of his house? And if this is a dream, please don’t wake me up!
A shadow appears over me and I look up. That same beautiful angelic smile is staring back at me.
"Oh! Michael, I’m so so sorry. I don’t know what happened. I’m…"
His laugh interjects my blubbering. It is the single most beautiful laugh I have ever heard. I can’t help myself; a huge smile spreads across my face.
"It’s ok. Really. Don’t worry about it. I’m kind of used to it," He says playfully. "Wanna go see the Ranch?"
"Of course!” I respond a little too quickly and a little too loudly. He giggles, but stoically composes himself. He takes my hand, and we start towards the door.
Minutes later we are racing go-carts around the winding track, taking no prisoners. Funny, I never expected my idol to be so competitive! He swerves in front of my cart, screaming, so innocent and child-like. Then he speeds away. I laugh to myself and press my pedal to the floor in an attempt to catch up with him. I don’t want him to be out of my sight. After about 20 minutes of racing, I see his cart come to a stop on the side. I pull over next to him. A slim but toned arm hangs out of the window. His fingers curl, beckoning me to come closer. I was out of my cart in 2 seconds flat. I made my way over to his window, as unsteady as a drunk. Ha, this man IS pretty intoxicating I think to myself. Leaning into the window I smell a sweet woodsy odor. He even smells amazing!? Oh Lord, please do not let me faint again.
“What do you want?” I question sarcastically, pushing him ever so lightly.
He blesses me with that heart melting smile and steps out of the cart. Before I know it my Roxy flip flops are lifted off of the go-cart track. He is carrying me, heaven only knows where. But I’m not complaining. His breathing is pretty even but I am so worried that I am too heavy for him. He’s muscular, but still so thin! After about 30 seconds of worrying I decide to close my eyes and savor the moment. I feel his heartbeat and at that moment, I knew I could die happy. Michael then flops me onto the grass beside a giant Ferris wheel. I lie on my back and smile up at him. He kneels over my prostrate body holding my arms hostage above my head. My heart must be about to beat out of my chest! I know that he can hear it!
“Don’t move a muscle,” he whispers.
“Your wish is my command,” I manage to say.
Michael then sprints off across the yard. I listen carefully as his footfalls become quieter and quieter. Obeying his command I lie on my back impatiently. My thoughts run wild. Did he desert me? Where did he go? When is he coming back? I drum my fingers against the cool grass to distract myself, I don’t succeed. Suddenly, a blast of cold water hits my face.
“AH!” I yell, wiping my eyes and standing up simultaneously. As soon as my eyes are clear I realize I am looking down the barrel of a gun, a Super Soaker to be exact.
“Oh no! Michael, NO!”
He pays no mind, squirting me mercilessly with the huge yellow and green water gun. I fumble around blindly trying to get my hands on him. I feel something plastic and cool touch my fingers. Revenge! I pick up my recently discovered Super Soaker and begin to pump it with the upmost ferocity. As I reach for the trigger I hear his mesmerizing voice.
“I never lose a water gun fight,” he shouts. We continue to drench each other with water for the next 10 minutes. Though, it was a pretty one sided fight. I feel myself collapsing onto the now soggy ground.
“I surrender,” I gasp. “No more!”
Michael grasps my shoulders and guides me to my feet.
“What did I tell ya?” He giggles. “I NEVER lose a water gun fight.”
I laugh in spite of myself. I begin draining my shirt and brushing off my shorts. I look up; I can feel Michael’s gaze on me through his sunglasses. I nervously purse my lips together and prepare
myself for what is to come next. He leans in slowly and I feel my knees start to buckle. His smell fills my nostrils and my head spins. My fantasy is suddenly cut short.
“Let’s go!” He titters. He grabs my hand and takes off, towing me behind him.
We stroll at a slow pace around the Ranch, my hand in his. There is nothing sexual about the gesture. It just feels…right. Every so often Michael will point out certain attractions, like the Zipper and the SeaDragon, my personal favorites. By now, it is 5 in the afternoon and I realize that I haven’t eaten. Now that my nerves have calmed the hunger hits me in full force. An embarrassing grumble escapes from the depths of my stomach. I cast a quick glance at Michael to see if he heard it. He leans his head slowly towards me with his eyes trained ahead.
“What was that?” he questions.
“Um, nothing.” I stutter, coughing to cover up another earth shattering growl.
“Mmm. I’m sorry Lauren. I’m not a big eater and I forget when I’m with others. How about we go back inside and order something.”
I really have to work on this “lost for words” thing I think to myself. I smile and nod and we make our way back to the house.
Once there, Michael tells me to make myself comfortable and he will get me some food. He brushes past me, bumping my shoulder playfully. I wander aimlessly throughout the mansion trying to convince myself that a human being cannot be perfect. But Michael makes me wonder. I spot a shelf that attracts my interest. I begin to lightly dust off a row of Grammy awards with my fingers.
“Amazing huh?”
I practically jump out of my skin. Michael had appeared by my side so silently it was eerie.
“I thank God everyday for the opportunities and talents He has blessed me with. And my goal is to give the world what I was lucky to rec
. I turn around to face him and realize he has removed his aviators. I look deep into his beautiful brown eyes hoping to see his soul. I see the strength of a person who has been through the unimaginable. But I can also see the fragility of a man who has been robbed of his childhood. He wraps his arms around my neck and pulls me into a tight embrace. I consequently wrap mine around his waist. Our bodies mold together and I feel his heart beating against mine for the second time in one day. I AM the luckiest girl alive.

"ding dong"…
"ding dong"…
Please answer!
The huge oak door creaks open slowly and there stands the most beautiful man I have ever seen, the man that graces every one of my dreams. The man I would sell my soul for.
He flashes a mouth full of perfect white teeth. His aviator lenses glint in the harsh sunlight. He holds out a sparkly gloved hand. THE sparkly gloved hand.
"Hi, I’m Michael. I’ve been expecting you" Such a simple sentence. But one that makes my heart beat uncontrollably.
I curse myself for hesitating to grab his hand. Maybe it is the huge snake, tenderly known as Muscles, coiled around his body. Or maybe it’s the fact that my palms are getting increasingly sweatier by the second.
Deep breaths. Take deep breaths I tell myself.
"Hello. Michael. I’m Lauren."
The next thing I remember is waking up on a comfy red couch. Mannequins of all shapes and sizes are hovering over me. I immediately sit up and inspect my surroundings. Oh my God, could this be reality? Am I really inside of his house? And if this is a dream, please don’t wake me up!
A shadow appears over me and I look up. That same beautiful angelic smile is staring back at me.
"Oh! Michael, I’m so so sorry. I don’t know what happened. I’m…"
His laugh interjects my blubbering. It is the single most beautiful laugh I have ever heard. I can’t help myself; a huge smile spreads across my face.
"It’s ok. Really. Don’t worry about it. I’m kind of used to it," He says playfully. "Wanna go see the Ranch?"
"Of course!” I respond a little too quickly and a little too loudly. He giggles, but stoically composes himself. He takes my hand, and we start towards the door.
Minutes later we are racing go-carts around the winding track, taking no prisoners. Funny, I never expected my idol to be so competitive! He swerves in front of my cart. He screams, so innocent and child-like, and speeds away. I laugh to myself and press my pedal to the floor in an attempt to catch up with him. I don’t want him to be out of my sight. After about 20 minutes of racing, I see his cart come to a stop on the side. I pull over next to him. A slim but toned arm hangs out of the window. His fingers curl, beckoning me to come closer. I was out of my cart in 2 seconds flat. I made my way over to his window, as unsteady as a drunk. Ha, this man IS pretty intoxicating I think to myself. Leaning into the window I smell a sweet woodsy odor. He even smells amazing!? Oh Lord, please do not let me faint again.
“What do you want?” I question sarcastically, pushing him ever so lightly.
He flashes that heart melting smile and steps out of the cart. Before I know it my Roxy flip flops are lifted off of the go-cart track. He is carrying me, heaven only knows where. But I’m not complaining. His breathing is pretty even but I am so worried that I am too heavy for him. He’s muscular, but still so thin! After about 30 seconds of worrying I decide to close my eyes and savor the moment. I feel his heartbeat and it is the best feeling I have ever experienced. Michael then flops me onto the grass beside a giant Ferris wheel. I lie on my back and smile up at him. He kneels over my prostrate body holding my arms hostage above my head. My heart must be about to beat out of my chest! I know that he can hear it!
“Don’t move a muscle,” he whispers.
“Your wish is my command,” I manage to say.

… To be continued.

STAR IF YOU WANT ME TO CONTINUE
What do you guys think??

1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding
them at strategic locations.
2. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.
3. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day.
4. Start playing Calvinball; see how many people you can get to join in.
5. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air
fresheners.
6. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.
7. Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters.
8. Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.
9. When there are people behind you, walk REALLY SLOW, especially thin
narrow aisles.
10. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I think we’ve got
a Code 3 in Housewares," and see what happens.
11. Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn them all off and turn the
volumes to "10".
12. Play with the automatic doors.
13. Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi! I haven’t seen you in so
long!…" etc. See if they play along to avoid embarrassment.
14. While walking through the clothing department, ask yourself loud enough
for all to hear, "Who BUYS this crap, anyway?"
15. Repeat Number 14 in the jewelry department.
16. Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you’re taking it for a "test
drive."
17. Follow people through the aisles, always staying about five feet away.
Continue to do this until they leave the department.
18. Play soccer with a group of friends, using the entire store as your playing
field.
19. As the cashier runs your purchases over the scanner, look mesmerized
and say, "Wow. Magic!"
20. Put M&M’s on layaway.
21. Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.
22. Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you’ll only invite them
in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath.
23. Test the fishing rods and see what you can "catch" from the other aisles.
24.Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.
25. Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying, "…I’m
Batman. Come, Robin–to the Batcave!"
26. TP as much of the store as possible.
27. Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles.
28. Play with the calculators so that they all spell "hello" upside down.
29. When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, "Why won’t
you people just leave me alone?"
30. When two or three people are walking ahead of you, run between them,
yelling, "Red Rover!"
31. Make up nonsense products and ask newly hired employees if there are
any in stock, i.e., "Do you have any Shnerples here?"
32. Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with
G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men.
33. Take bets on the battle described above.
34. Nonchalantly "test" the brushes and combs in Cosmetics.
35.While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly ask the clerk if he
knows where the anti-depressants are. Act as spastic as possible.
36. Hold indoor shopping cart races.
37. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from "Mission:
Impossible."
38. Attempt to fit into very large gym bags.
39. Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags.
40. Say things like, "Would you be so kind as to direct me to your Twinkies
?"
41. Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store.
42. Two words: "Marco Polo."
43. Leave Cheerios in Lawn and Garden, pillows in the pet food aisle, etc.
44. "Re-alphabetize" the CD’s in Electronics.
45. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna" look with various
funnels.
46. When someone steps away from their cart to look at something, quickly
make off with it without saying a word.
47. Relax in the patio furniture until you get kicked out.
48. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal
position and scream, "No, no! It’s those voices again!"
49. Pay off layaways fifty cents at a time.
50. Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and relax. If the
store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don’t get out much,
and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.

As the cashier runs your purchase over the scanner, look mesmerized and say, "Wow, magic!"

Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.

Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags.

Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift-wrap.

Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners.

Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from Mission Impossible.

Drag a lounge chair over to the magazines and relax.

Go to the food court, buy a drink, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.

Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying, "I’m Batman. Come Robin, to the Batcave."

Follow people through the aisles, staying about 5 feet behind them. Do this until they leave the store.

carts when they aren’t looking.

Go into a fitting room, shut the door and wait a while and then yell loudly "There’s no toilet paper in here!"

Go to the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M’s on lay away.

Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say "PICK ME! PICK ME!"

Hold indoor shopping cart races.

In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels.

Leave Cheerios in lawn and garden, pillows in the pet section, etc.

Look right into the security camera, use it as a mirror and pick your nose.

Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the restrooms.

Make up nonsense products and ask employees if there are any in stock. (i.e.: Shnerples)

Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.

Pay off layaways 50 cents at a time.

Play soccer with a group of friends, using the entire store as your playing field.

Play with the automatic doors.

Play with the calculators so that they all spell "hello" upside down.

Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles.

"Re-alphabetize" the CD’s.

Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.

Relax in the patio furniture until you get kicked out.

Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you are taking it for a test drive.

Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.

Say things like, "Would you be so kind as to direct me to your Twinkies."

Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten-minute intervals throughout the day.

Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store.

Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you’ll invite them in if they bring pillows from the bed department.

Start playing Calvinball; see how many people you can get to join.

Take bets on the battle from above.

Take off your shoes and tell them you want to return it and when they say you didn’t buy it there say, "Hm… I thought the customer was always right!"

Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations.

Take up an entire aisle in toys by setting up a full-scale battle with G.I. Joe vs. X-men.

Test the brushes and combs in cosmetics.

Test the fishing rods and see what you can catch from other aisles.

TP as much of the store as possible before they stop you.

Try to hold up customers with the toy guns. See how much you can make.

Tune all the radios to polka stations; then turn them off and turn the volume up to full blast.

Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, ‘Code 3′ in Housewares and see what happens.

Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi. I haven’t seen you in so long." etc. See if they play along.

When 2 or 3 people are walking ahead of you, run between them yelling "Red Rover."

When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, "Why can’t you people just leave me alone?"

When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream "NO! NO! It’s those voices again!!!"

When someone steps away from his or her cart to look at something, quickly make off with it without saying a word.

When there are people behind you, walk really slowly, especially in thin aisles.

While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are.

While walking through the clothing department, ask yourself loud enough for all to hear, "Who buys this crap anyway?!"

1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations.

2. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.

3. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day.

4. Start playing Calvinball; see how many people you can get to join in.

5. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners.

6. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.

7. Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters.

8. Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.

9. When there are people behind you, walk REALLY SLOW, especially down thin narrow aisles.

10. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I think we’ve got a Code 3 in Housewares," and see what happens.

11. Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn them all off and turn the volumes to "10".

12. Play with the automatic doors.

13. Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi! I haven’t seen you in so long!…" etc. See if they play along to avoid embarrassment.

14. While walking through the clothing department, ask yourself loud enough for all to hear, "Who BUYS this crap, anyway?"

15. Repeat Number 14 in the jewelry department.

16. Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you’re taking it for a "test drive."

17. Follow people through the aisles, always staying about five feet away. Continue to do this until they leave the department.

18. Play soccer with a group of friends, using the entire store as your playing field.

19. As the cashier runs your purchases over the scanner, look mesmerized and say, "Wow. Magic!"

20. Put M&M’s on layaway.

21. Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.

22. Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you’ll only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath.

23. Test the fishing rods and see what you can "catch" from the other aisles.

24. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.

25. Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying, "…I’m Batman. Come, Robin–to the Batcave!"

26. TP as much of the store as possible.

27. Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles.

28. Play with the calculators so that they all spell "hello" upside down.

29. When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, "Why won’t you people just leave me alone?"

30. When two or three people are walking ahead of you, run between them, yelling, "Red Rover!"

31. Make up nonsense products and ask newly hired employees if there are any in stock, i.e., "Do you have any Shnerples here?"

32. Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men.

33. Take bets on the battle described above.

34. Nonchalantly "test" the brushes and combs in Cosmetics.

35. While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are. Act as spastic as possible.

36.Hold indoor shopping cart races.

37. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from "Mission: Impossible."

38. Attempt to fit into very large gym bags.

39. Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags.

40. Say things like, "Would you be so kind as to direct me to your Twinkies ?"

41. Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store.

42. Two words: "Marco Polo."

43. Leave Cheerios in Lawn and Garden, pillows in the pet food aisle, etc.

44. "Re-alphabetize" the CD’s in Electronics.

45. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna" look with various funnels.

46. When someone steps away from their cart to look at something, quickly make off with it without saying a word.

47. Relax in the patio furniture until you get kicked out.

48. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal position and scream, "No, no! It’s those voices again!"

49. Pay off layaways fifty cents at a time.

50. Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and relax. If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don’t get out much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.

*BONUS* Attempt all of the above during the same visit.

***suggested category: Mental Health.
Me:
12
14
36 (if racing yourself counts)
43 (I’ve done that when I decided I didn’t want something)
And I’ve done a slightly different version of # 11.

1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations.

2. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.

3. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day.

4. Start playing Calvinball; see how many people you can get to join in.

5. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners.

6. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.

7. Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters.

8. Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.

9. When there are people behind you, walk REALLY SLOW, especially thin narrow aisles.

10. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I think we’ve got a Code 3 in Housewares," and see what happens.

11. Get several of those frogs (that croak when somebody walks by) from the Garden Dept. and place in strategic locations throughout store.

12. Play with the automatic doors.

13. Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi! I haven’t seen you in so long," etc. See if they play along to avoid embarrassment.

14. While walking through the clothing department, ask yourself loud enough for all to hear, "Who BUYS this junk, anyway?"

15. Repeat Number 14 in the jewelry department.

16. Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you’re taking it for a test drive.

17. Follow people through the aisles, always staying about five feet away. Continue to do this until they leave the department.

18. Play soccer with a group of friends, using the entire store as your playing field.

19. As the cashier runs your purchases over the scanner, look mesmerized and say, "Wow. Magic!"

20. Put M&M’s on layaway.

21. Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.

22. Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you’ll only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath.

23. Test the fishing rods and see what you can "catch" from the other aisles.

24. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.

25. Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying,"I’m Batman. Come, Robin, to the Batcave!"

26. TP as much of the store as possible.

27. Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles.

28. Play with the calculators so that they all spell "hello" upside down.

29. When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, "Why won’t you people just leave me alone?"

30. Make up nonsense products and ask newly hired employees if there are any in stock, i.e., "Do you have any Shnerples here?"

31. Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men.

32. Take bets on the battle described above.

33. Hold indoor shopping cart races.

34. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from "Mission: Impossible." 35. Run up to an employee (preferably a male) while squeezing your legs together and practically yell at him " I need some tampons!!"

36. Try on bras in the sewing/fabric department.

37. Try on bras over top of your clothes.

38. Attempt to fit into very large gym bags.

39. Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags.

40. Say things like, "Would you be so kind as to direct me to your Twinkies?"

41. Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store.

42. Two words: "Marco Polo." 43. Leave Cheerios in Lawn and Garden, pillows in the pet food aisle, etc.

44. "Re-alphabetize" the CD’s in Electronics, while headbanging & playing air guitar to Willie Nelson demos. (Bonus: Braid hair & tie bandanna around head).

45. Make a trail of orange juice on the ground, leading to the restrooms.

46. When someone steps away from their cart to look at something, quickly make off with it without saying a word.

47. Relax in the patio furniture until you get kicked out.

48. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal position and scream, "No, no! It’s those voices again!"

49. Pay off layaways fifty cents at a time.

50. Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and relax. If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don’t get out much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.

51. Try putting different pairs of women’s panties on your head and walk around the store casually.

52. Turn on toys that make noise or talk at random intervals, and leave them in strategic locations.

53. Leave small sacrifices or gifts in the hands of the mannequins.

54. Nonchalantly "test" the brushes and combs in Cosmetics.

55. When two or three people are walking ahead of you, run between them, yelling, "Red Rover!"

56. Look right into the security camera, and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose.

57. Set up another battlefield with GI Joes vs. Barbies. (Red lipstick might give an interesting effect!!!)

58. While handling guns in the hunting department, as

1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them
and stranding them at strategic locations.

2. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.

3. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals
throughout the day.

4. Start playing Calvinball; see how many people you can get
to join in.

5. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the
spray air fresheners.

6. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.

7. Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters.

8. Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.

9. When there are people behind you, walk REALLY SLOW,
especially thin narrow aisles.

10. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, “I
think we’ve got a Code 3 in Housewares,” and see what
happens.

11. Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn them all off
and turn the volumes to “10″.

12. Play with the automatic doors.

13. Walk up to complete strangers and say, “Hi! I haven’t seen
you in so long!…” etc. See if they play along to avoid
embarrassment.

14. While walking through the clothing department, ask
yourself loud enough for all to hear, “Who BUYS this junk,
anyway?”

15. Repeat Number 14 in the jewelry department.

16. Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you’re
taking it for a “test drive.”

17. Follow people through the aisles, always staying about
five feet away. Continue to do this until they leave the
department.

18. Play soccer with a group of friends, using the entire store
as your playing field.

19. As the cashier runs your purchases over the scanner, look
mesmerized and say, “Wow. Magic!”

20. Put M&M’s on layaway.

21. Move “Caution: Wet Floor” signs to carpeted areas.

22. Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you’ll
only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath.

23. Test the fishing rods and see what you can “catch” from
the other aisles.

24. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.

25. Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around
saying,”…I’m Batman. Come, Robin, to the Batcave!”

26. TP as much of the store as possible.

27. Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles.

28. Play with the calculators so that they all spell “hello”
upside down.

29. When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask,
“Why won’t you people just leave me alone?”

30. Make up nonsense products and ask newly hired
employees if there are any in stock, i.e., “Do you have any
Shnerples here?”

31. Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale
battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men.

32. Take bets on the battle described above.

33. Hold indoor shopping cart races.

34. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from
“Mission: Impossible.”

35. Run up to an employee (preferably a male) while
squeezing your legs together and practically yell at him ” I
need some tampons!!”

36. Try on bras in the sewing/fabric department.

37. Try on bras over top of your clothes.

38. Attempt to fit into very large gym bags.

39. Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags.

40. Say things like, “Would you be so kind as to direct me to
your Twinkies?”

41. Set up a “Valet Parking” sign in front of the store.

42. Two words: “Marco Polo.”

43. Leave Cheerios in Lawn and Garden, pillows in the pet
food aisle, etc.

44. “Re-alphabetize” the CD’s in Electronics.

45. Make a trail of orange juice on the ground, leading to the
restrooms

46. When someone steps away from their cart to look at
something, quickly make off with it without saying a word.

47. Relax in the patio furniture until you get kicked out.

48. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker,
assume the fetal position and scream, “No, no! It’s those
voices again!”

49. Pay off layaways fifty cents at a time.

50. Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and
relax. If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain
that you don’t get out much, and ask if they can put a little
umbrella in it.

51. While walking around the store, sing in your loudest voice
possible “sex and candy”

52. Try putting different pairs of women’s panties on your
head and walk around the store casually.

53. Leave small sacrifices or gifts in the hands of the
mannequins.

54. Nonchalantly “test” the brushes and combs in Cosmetics.

55. When two or three people are walking ahead of you, run
between them, yelling, “Red Rover!”

56. Look right into the security camera, and use it as a mirror
while you pick your nose.

57. Set up another battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. G.I. Janes.
(Red lipstick might give an interesting effect!!!)

58. While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly
ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are. Act
as spastic as possible.

59. While no one’s watching quickly switch the men’s and
wom

50 Fun Things to do at Wal-Mart

1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations.
2. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.
3. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten-minute intervals throughout the day
4. Start playing Calvinball; see how many people you can get to join
5. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners.
6. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift-wrap.
7. Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters.
8. Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.
9. When there are people behind you, walk really slowly, especially in thin aisles.
10. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I think we’ve got a code 3 in housewares," and see what happens.
11. Turn all the radios to polka stations; then turn them off and turn the volume up to full blast.
12. Play with the automatic doors.
13. Walk up to complete strangers and
2 years ago
Additional Details
say, "Hi. I haven’t seen you in so long." etc. See if they play along.
14. While walking through the clothing department, ask yourself loud enough for all to hear, "Who buys this crap anyway?!"
15. Repeat #14 in the jewelry department.
16. Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you are taking it for a test drive.
17. Follow people through the aisles, staying about 5 feet behind them. Do this until they leave the store.
18. Play soccer with a group of friends, using the entire store as your playing field.
19. As the cashier runs your purchase over the scanner, look mesmerized and say, "Wow, magic!"
20. Put M&M’s on layaway.
21. Move "Caution : Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.
22. Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you will only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath.
23. Test the fishing rods and see what you can catch from other aisles.
24. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.
25. Drape a blanket around
2 years ago

your shoulders and run around saying, "I’m Batman. Come Robin, to the Batcave."
26. TP as much of the store as possible.
27. Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles.
28. Play with the calculators so that they all spell "hello" upside down.
29. When someone asks you if you need help, begin to cry and say, "Why won’t you people just leave me alone?"
30. When 2 or 3 people are walking ahead of you, run between them yelling "Red Rover."
31. Make up nonsense products and ask employees if there are any in stock. (i.e.: Shnerples)
32. Take up an entire aisle in toys by setting up a full-scale battle with G.I. Joe vs. X-men.
33. Take bets on the battle from above.
34. Test the brushes and combs in cosmetics.
35. While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly ask the clerk where the anti-depressants are. Act as spastic as possible.
36. Hold indoor shopping cart races.
37. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from Mission Impossible.
38.
2 years ago

38. Attempt to fit into very large gym bags.
39. Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags.
40. Say things like, "Would you be so kind as to direct me to your Twinkies."
41. Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store.
42. Two words: Marco Polo
43. Leave Cheerios in lawn and garden, pillows in the pet section, etc.
44. "Re-alphabetize" the CD’s.
45. In the auto department, practice your Madonna look with various funnels.
46. When someone steps away from his or her cart to look at something, quickly make off with it without saying a word.
47. Relax in the patio furniture until you get kicked out.
48. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, drop to your knees and scream, "No, no, its those voices again."
49. Pay off layaways 50 cents at a time.
50. Drag a lounge chair over to the magazines and relax. Go to the food court, buy a drink, and explain that you don’t get out much and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.

HERE U R!! 50 funny things to do in walmart!!!!

1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations.

2. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.

3. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day.

4. Start playing Calvinball; see how many people you can get to join in.

5. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners.

6. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.

7. Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters.

8. Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.

9. When there are people behind you, walk REALLY SLOW, especially thin narrow aisles.

10. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, “I think we’ve got a Code 3 in Housewares,” and see what happens.

11. Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn them all off and turn the volumes to “10″.

12. Play with the automatic doors.

13. Walk up to complete strangers and say, “Hi! I haven’t seen you in so long!” etc. See if they play along to avoid embarrassment.

14. While walking through the clothing department, ask yourself loud enough for all to hear, “Who BUYS this junk, anyway?”

15. Repeat Number 14 in the jewelry department.

16. Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you’re taking it for a “test drive.”

17. Follow people through the aisles, always staying about five feet away. Continue to do this until they leave the department.

18. Play soccer with a group of friends, using the entire store as your playing field.

19. As the cashier runs your purchases over the scanner, look mesmerized and say, “Wow. Magic!”

20. Put M&M’s on layaway.

21. Move “Caution: Wet Floor” signs to carpeted areas.

22. Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you’ll only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath.

23. Test the fishing rods and see what you can “catch” from the other aisles.

24. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.

25. Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying,”…I’m Batman. Come, Robin, to the Bat cave!”

26. Run around as much of the store as possible.

27. Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles.

28. Play with the calculators so that they all spell “hello” upside down.

29. When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, “Why won’t you people just leave me alone?”

30. Make up nonsense products and ask newly hired employees if there are any in stock, i.e., “Do you have any Shnerples here?”

31. Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men.

32. Take bets on the battle described above.

33. Hold indoor shopping cart races.

34. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from “Mission: Impossible.”

35. Run up to an employee (preferably a male) while squeezing your legs together and practically yell at him “I need some tampons!!”

36. Try on bras in the sewing/fabric department.

37. Try on bras over top of your clothes.

38. Attempt to fit into very large gym bags.

39. Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags.

40. Say things like, “Would you be so kind as to direct me to your Twinkies?”

41. Set up a “Valet Parking” sign in front of the store.

42. Two words: “Marco Polo.”

43. Leave Cheerios in Lawn and Garden, pillows in the pet food aisle, etc.

44. “Re-alphabetize” the CD’s in Electronics.

45. Make a trail of orange juice on the ground, leading to the restrooms

46. When someone steps away from their cart to look at something, quickly make off with it without saying a word.

47. Relax in the patio furniture until you get kicked out.

48. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal position and scream, “No, no! It’s those voices again!”

49. Pay off layaways fifty cents at a time.

50. Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and relax. If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don’t get out much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.
.
..
….
i nver tried all of them yet

Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations.
Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.
Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day.
Start playing Calvinball; see how many people you can get to join in.
Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners.
Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.
Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters.
Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.
When there are people behind you, walk REALLY SLOW, especially thin narrow aisles.
Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I think we’ve got a Code 3 in Housewares," and see what happens.
Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn them all off and turn the volumes to "10".
Play with the automatic doors.
Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi! I haven’t seen you in so long!…" etc. See if they play along to avoid embarrassment.
While walking through the clothing department, ask yourself loud enough for all to hear, "Who BUYS this junk, anyway?"
Repeat Number 14 in the jewelry department.
Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you’re taking it for a "test drive."
Follow people through the aisles, always staying about five feet away. Continue to do this until they leave the department.
Play soccer with a group of friend, using the entire store as your playing field.
As the cashier runs your purchases over the scanner, look mesmerized and say, "Wow. Magic!"
Put M&M’s on layaway.
Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.
Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you’ll only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath.
Test the fishing rods and see what you can "catch" from the other aisles.
Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.
Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying, "…I’m Batman. Come, Robin–to the Batcave!"
TP as much of the store as possible.
Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles.
Play with the calculators so that they all spell "hello" upside down.
When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, "Why won’t you people just leave me alone?"
When two or three people are walking ahead of you, run between them, yelling, "Red Rover!"
Make up nonsense products and ask newly hired employees if there are any in stock, i.e., "Do you have any Shnerples here?"
Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men.
Take bets on the battle described above.
Nonchalantly "test" the brushes and combs in Cosmetics.
Hold indoor shopping cart races.
Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from "Mission: Impossible."
Attempt to fit into very large gym bags.
Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags.
Say things like, "Would you be so kind as to direct me to your Twinkies?"
Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store.
Two words: "Marco Polo."
Leave Cheerios in Lawn and Garden, pillows in the pet food aisle, etc.
"Re-alphabetize" the CD’s in Electronics.
When someone steps away from their cart to look at something, quickly make off with it without saying a word.
Relax in the patio furniture until you get kicked out.
When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal position and scream, "No, no! It’s those voices again!"
Pay off layaways fifty cents at a time.
Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and relax. If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don’t get out much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.
(the-jokes.com)

1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations.

2. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.

3. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day.

4. Start playing Calvinball; see how many people you can get to join in.

5. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners.

6. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.

7. Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters.

8. Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.

9. When there are people behind you, walk REALLY SLOW, especially thin narrow aisles.

10. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, “I think we’ve got a Code 3 in Housewares,” and see what happens.

11. Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn them all off and turn the volumes to “10″.

12. Play with the automatic doors.

13. Walk up to complete strangers and say, “Hi! I haven’t seen you in so long!” etc. See if they play along to avoid embarrassment.

14. While walking through the clothing department, ask yourself loud enough for all to hear, “Who BUYS this junk, anyway?”

15. Repeat Number 14 in the jewelry department.

16. Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you’re taking it for a “test drive.”

17. Follow people through the aisles, always staying about five feet away. Continue to do this until they leave the department.

18. Play soccer with a group of friends, using the entire store as your playing field.

19. As the cashier runs your purchases over the scanner, look mesmerized and say, “Wow. Magic!”

20. Put M&M’s on layaway.

21. Move “Caution: Wet Floor” signs to carpeted areas.

22. Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you’ll only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath.

23. Test the fishing rods and see what you can “catch” from the other aisles.

24. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.

25. Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying,”…I’m Batman. Come, Robin, to the Bat cave!”

26. Run around as much of the store as possible.

27. Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles.

28. Play with the calculators so that they all spell “hello” upside down.

29. When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, “Why won’t you people just leave me alone?”

30. Make up nonsense products and ask newly hired employees if there are any in stock, i.e., “Do you have any Shnerples here?”

31. Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men.

32. Take bets on the battle described above.

33. Hold indoor shopping cart races.

34. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from “Mission: Impossible.”

35. Run up to an employee (preferably a male) while squeezing your legs together and practically yell at him “I need some tampons!!”

36. Try on bras in the sewing/fabric department.

37. Try on bras over top of your clothes.

38. Attempt to fit into very large gym bags.

39. Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags.

40. Say things like, “Would you be so kind as to direct me to your Twinkies?”

41. Set up a “Valet Parking” sign in front of the store.

42. Two words: “Marco Polo.”

43. Leave Cheerios in Lawn and Garden, pillows in the pet food aisle, etc.

44. “Re-alphabetize” the CD’s in Electronics.

45. Make a trail of orange juice on the ground, leading to the restrooms

46. When someone steps away from their cart to look at something, quickly make off with it without saying a word.

47. Relax in the patio furniture until you get kicked out.

48. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal position and scream, “No, no! It’s those voices again!”

49. Pay off layaways fifty cents at a time.

50. Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and relax. If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don’t get out much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.

51. While walking around the store, sing in your loudest voice possible “sex and candy”

52. Try putting different pairs of women’s panties on your head and walk around the store casually.

53. Leave small sacrifices or gifts in the hands of the mannequins.

54. Nonchalantly “test” the brushes and combs in Cosmetics.

55. When two or three people are walking ahead of you, run between them, yelling, “Red Rover!”

56. Look right into the security camera, and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose.

57. Set up another battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. G.I. Janes. (Red lipstick might give an interesting effect!!!)

58. While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are. Act as spastic as possible.

59. While no one’s watching quickly switch the men’s and women’s signs on the doors of the rest room.

60. Fill your cart with boxes of condoms, and watch everyone’s jaws drop when you attempt to buy them.

61. In the auto department, practice your “Madonna” look with various funnels.

62. Hide in the clothing racks and when people browse through, say things like “the fat man walks alone,” and scare them into believing that the clothes are talking to them

63. While walking around alone, pretend someone is with you and get into a very serious conversation. Ex: The person is breaking up with you and you begin crying “How could you do this to me? I thought you loved me! I knew there was another girl, but I thought I had won. You kissed ME darling.” Then act as though you are being beaten and fall onto the ground screaming and having convulsions.

64. Go to an empty checkout stand and try to check people out.
65. Get a stuffed animal and go to the front of the store and begin stroking it lovingly, saying “Good girl, good bessie.”

66. Go over to the shoe department and try on every pair of shoes, not putting one pair back. Take the paper from the boxes and throw it in various aisles.

67. Ask other customers if they would like to join in your tag game.

68. In the makeup department, spray yourself with every perfume there is, then walk up to a boy who is with another girl and start flirting with him in that annoying, ditsy way. “hi!!!! (giggle) What’s your sign? (giggle).” When the boy shows no interest, start hitting on the girl the exact same way. “hi!!!! (giggle) What’s your sign? (giggle).”

69. Get boxes of Condoms and randomly put them in peoples carts when they don’t realize it!
70. Walk around the perfume department with a bottle of super strong perfume and spray people as they walk by. Lean in and sniff them then jump back and wave your hand in front of your nose and saying “Oh god, your over powering the perfume!!”

71. Hit on the elderly.

72. Hit on 5 year olds.

73. In the food aisle, pretend like there’s a little bug, slowly move your head to the right, then swing your head to the left as if you’re trying to follow it. Slowly lower your head to the ground, then start spinning around in circles stomping like crazy. Then finally yell out “Yes!!! I got it!!! Wow, that was the biggest Cockroach I’ve ever seen, I think it was pregnant!!! Hey look, there’s another one!!!” Then Repeat.

74. Repeat 73 with a can of bug spray.

75. Crawl around on the ground and pretend that you’re a cat. Meow when people walk by rub up against their legs, etc.
76. Ride around on those electric cars and pretend that you’re a prissy English Man. Say things like “Cheerio, good man” to people who walk by. And don’t forget to have perfect posture.

77. Start grunting like Beavis and Butthead while chasing your friends up and down aisles trying to run over them with those electric cars. Make sure to tell your friends to act like they don’t know you.

78. Spend all your money riding on those little rides for toddlers. Fit the character; if your on a hoarse, then pretend that your a cowboy, etc. And if a little kid comes over wanting to use it, start barking at them until they run away crying.

79. Have silly string fights with a friend. Hide behind customers and “accidentally” hit the people instead of your friend.
80. Excessively use anything thing that says “Try Me”.

81. Start pocketing any and all free samples.

82. Draw mustaches on all the pictures and mannequins.

82. Walk up to the customer service and when they say “Hello, how may I help you?” say “Yes, I’ll have a Quarter Pounder with cheese, one strawberry shake, a large order of French fries and a diet coke.” And when they start to talk, say “Oh, to go”. Then when they say that they can’t give it to you say “Oh, This is because I’m gay isn’t it? I’d expect this from Caldors, but not Walmart/Kmart. People who are gay are just like everyone else your know. You disgust me” Then walk away mumbling to yourself. If your a guy, try to act as valley- girl- like as you can.

83. Start to madly scratch yourself and walk up to people asking where the rash cream is because your family and all your friends seem to have a rash too.
84. When you’re alone, have loud conversations with your “multiple personalities”. Have an English man, a Southern person, someone from New York, a Grandma, and a 5 year old girl all at the same time. You have to use accents.

85. Start “dancing” like mad. Basically, just wail your arms and legs around like you’re having some kind of massive seizure.

86. Try on crazy costumes and walk casually through the store.

87. Stick your arm in your jacket and suspiciously start to leave the store. Get really tense and start to lean over as your walking through the doors As if you’re suspecting the alarms to go off. Then when it doesn’t go off, let out a big sigh. Then quickly look around you to see whose watching and run away as fast as your can.

88. Balance EVERYTHING you see on the tips of your finger, your nose, your forehead, and the top of your head while singing the circus song.

89. Put jockstraps in the lingerie department

90. Put lingerie in the men’s department.
91. Put super sexy lingerie in old men’s carts when they turn around.

92. When your alone, start screaming help and yelling that someone is trying to rape you. Then when everyone runs over, start crying and saying “All I ever wanted was a little attention” Then run away crying.

93. Spend hours staring at a little blinking light. After a while, start saying blink every time it blinks. Don’t look away, just stay mesmerized.

94. Walk up to a lady and calmly say “Help me. The voices in my head are telling me to do naughty things.” Then clap your hands over your ears, fly yell head around and start screaming “NO!!! I DON’T WANT TO HURT THE NICE LADY NO NO NO NO!!!!” Then suddenly stop, look her straight in the eyes, and Calmly say “I…will start…a fire…” The pull out a zippo and start laughing hysterically in an evil way. But don’t light the zippo, just hold it closed.

95. Light a match under a sprinkler.
96. Walk up to someone and say “Oh, so your back for more. I warned you never to come back here. Wait here while I go get my shot gun”. Then walk away.

97. Walk up to a guy and say “Oh my god, is it you? Oh my god it is!!! I haven’t seen you in so long!!!!” Then kiss him. Then slap and him say “Why didn’t you ever call me??” Then walk away. Much more affective if you’re a guy.

98. Stand next to a mannequin and pretend that you’re a mannequin. Try to hold the same position for as long as possible. Then finally as someone is walking by, check your watch and say. “Finally, my shift is done. I really don’t get paid enough to do this”

99. Start singing oldies songs in to megaphone.

100. Act like your about to cry and ask people “Have you seen my mommy?”

101. Steal a Walmart shirt. The possibilities are endless.

1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them
and stranding them at strategic locations.

2. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.

3. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals
throughout the day.

4. Start playing Calvinball; see how many people you can get
to join in.

5. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the
spray air fresheners.

6. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.

7. Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters.

8. Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.

9. When there are people behind you, walk REALLY SLOW,
especially thin narrow aisles.

10. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I
think we’ve got a Code 3 in Housewares," and see what
happens.

11. Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn them all off
and turn the volumes to "10".

12. Play with the automatic doors.

13. Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi! I haven’t seen
you in so long!…" etc. See if they play along to avoid
embarrassment.

14. While walking through the clothing department, ask
yourself loud enough for all to hear, "Who BUYS this junk,
anyway?"

15. Repeat Number 14 in the jewelry department.

16. Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you’re
taking it for a "test drive."

17. Follow people through the aisles, always staying about
five feet away. Continue to do this until they leave the
department.

18. Play soccer with a group of friends, using the entire store
as your playing field.

19. As the cashier runs your purchases over the scanner, look
mesmerized and say, "Wow. Magic!"

20. Put M&M’s on layaway.

21. Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.

22. Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you’ll
only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath.

23. Test the fishing rods and see what you can "catch" from
the other aisles.

24. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.

25. Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around
saying,"…I’m Batman. Come, Robin, to the Batcave!"

26. TP as much of the store as possible.

27. Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles.

28. Play with the calculators so that they all spell "hello"
upside down.

29. When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask,
"Why won’t you people just leave me alone?"

30. Make up nonsense products and ask newly hired
employees if there are any in stock, i.e., "Do you have any
Shnerples here?"

31. Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale
battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men.

32. Take bets on the battle described above.

33. Hold indoor shopping cart races.

34. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from
"Mission: Impossible."

35. Run up to an employee (preferably a male) while
squeezing your legs together and practically yell at him " I
need some tampons!!"

36. Try on bras in the sewing/fabric department.

37. Try on bras over top of your clothes.

38. Attempt to fit into very large gym bags.

39. Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags.

40. Say things like, "Would you be so kind as to direct me to
your Twinkies?"

41. Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store.

42. Two words: "Marco Polo."

43. Leave Cheerios in Lawn and Garden, pillows in the pet
food aisle, etc.

44. "Re-alphabetize" the CD’s in Electronics.

45. Make a trail of orange juice on the ground, leading to the
restrooms

46. When someone steps away from their cart to look at
something, quickly make off with it without saying a word.

47. Relax in the patio furniture until you get kicked out.

48. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker,
assume the fetal position and scream, "No, no! It’s those
voices again!"

49. Pay off layaways fifty cents at a time.

50. Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and
relax. If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain
that you don’t get out much, and ask if they can put a little
umbrella in it.

1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them
and stranding them at strategic locations.

2. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.

4. Don’t bother doing your own shopping. Simply find someone with a full trolley containing roughly the items you need, and when they are not looking take it and go pay for it at the checkout. (this is not stealing, they did not own the items yet, they were simply ‘moving them around’)

5. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the
spray air fresheners.

6. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift-wrap.

7. Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters.

8. Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit, then arrange them into erotic poses. (be creative with the gift-wrap tubes used in point 6).

9. When there are people behind you, walk really slowly,
especially in thin aisles.

11. Turn all the radios to polka stations; then turn them off
and turn the volume up to full blast.

12. Re-enact a fatal incident involving the automatic doors.

13. Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi. I haven’t seen
you in so long." etc. See if they play along. Insist on calling them ‘Bob’, and if they protest, get angry about it (violent if necissary).

14. While walking through the clothing department, ask yourself
loud enough for all to hear, "Who buys this crap anyway?!"

15. When you leave the store, try your car keys in the door of every car in the car park until you get to your own. Then drive off as if this is perfectly normal. (Note- if you don’t actually own a car and walked to the store, attempt the above by substituting car keys with your house keys).

16. Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you are
taking it for a test drive.

17. Follow people through the aisles, staying about 5 feet
behind them. Do this until they leave the store.

18. Ask if you can test some super-glue before buying it, then walk around the store gluing random items to other items/customers/staff. For added fun: See how many cashiers you can glue to each-other before any of them notice.

19. As the cashier runs your purchase over the scanner say "BEEP" in a loud voice. Repeat this for every item, and for other customers items. If the cashier protests, kill them.

20. Take off your shoes and tell them you want to return it and
when they say you didn’t buy it there say "The customer is always right dammit!!" Make a scene.

21. Move "Caution : Wet Floor" signs to The parking lot

23. Test the fishing rods and see what you can catch from other
aisles.

24. Ask a really fat customer "Son im gonna need that ham back"

25. Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying,
"I’m Batman. Come Robin, to the Batcave."

26. Climb things.

27. Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles.

28. Play with the calculators so that they all spell "hello"
upside down. Once you have mastered this, progress to "boobs".

30. When 2 or 3 people are walking ahead of you, run between
them yelling "Red Rover."

31. Make up nonsense products and ask employees if there are any
in stock. (i.e.: Shnerples). Do a vague hand-mime of what a ‘Shnerple’ looks like to assist them.

32. Take up an entire aisle in toys by setting up a full-scale
battle with G.I. Joe vs. X-men.

33. Take bets on the battle from above.

34. Test the brushes and combs in Cosmetics on all the live animals in Pet-Care.

36. Hold indoor shopping cart races.

37. Put your T-Shirt on top of your head and say "I AM THE GREAT CORNHOLIO! I AM A GRINGO!"

38. Attempt to fit into very large gym bags.

39. Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags against their will.

40. Say things like, "Would you be so kind as to direct me to
your Twinkies."

41. Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store.

42. Two words: Marco Polo.

43. Leave Cheerios in lawn and garden, pillows in the pet
section, etc.

44. "Re-alphabetize" the CD’s using an alternative alphabet of your choosing.

45. In the auto department, practice your Madonna look with
various funnels.

46. When someone steps away from his or her cart to look at
something, quickly place random combinations of items in their cart, such as ‘A Large Cucumber and a Tub of Vasceline’.

47. Relax in the patio furniture drinking beer until you get kicked out.

49. Pay off layaways 50 cents at a time.

50. Drag a lounge chair over to the magazines and relax. Go to
the food court, buy a drink, and explain that you don’t get out
much and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.

51. Start playing Football, see how many people you can get to join in.

52. Go over to the shoe department and try on every pair of shoes, not putiing one pair back. Take the paper from the boxes and throw it in various aisles.

53. Play a game of indoor freeze tag.

54. Drive around the entrances screaming out the window "the British are coming! the British are coming!!"

55. Have a team race with your friends- one person sits in the cart, the other pushes.

56. Run into a pyramid of cans, heroically saing "I’m gonna save us from that bomb!"

57. Grab heavy but not too heavy objects, and see who can throw them the most aisles over.

58. Randomly direct people to the deodorant section

59. If people arent looking at their cart, steal it.

60. See how much stuff you can break before you get caught.