Why is my husband like this?
Every single time that I try to stand up for myself, my husband treats me like I am wrong. He also somehow twists the situation to make him look like ...
Every single time that I try to stand up for myself, my husband treats me like I am wrong. He also somehow twists the situation to make him look like the victim. This even happens in situations that don’t even involve him!
I’ll give you an example. Today we were out shopping with our little girl. The check-out lane we were standing in was pretty full, so the cashiers opened a new line. A lady standing behind us with a cart full of groceries runs for the new check-out. In the process, she rams me in the back with her cart and almost runs my daughter over who I have by the hand.
Instinctively, I pulled my daughter closer to me so she wouldn’t be hit. I just turned and looked at this lady with a complete look off utter disgust and I shook my head. I was kind of in shock that an adult would actually hit someone with a cart in an attempt to be first in line. I didn’t really know what to say to her.
The lady yelled out over her shoulder "Sorry!" and kept going. I turned to my husband and said "Did you see what that woman did? There is something seriously wrong with her!"
My husband said "Well, she did say that she was sorry. Anyway, what do you want me to do about it?"
He says this every time something like this happens. I don’t want to give the impression that things like this happen often, but we have been married for 10 years so it has happened before.
I feel like he always sides with complete strangers and he expects me to just take abuse no matter who it is coming from. He gets upset and treats me like a child if I somehow react to a rude situation.
Also, he makes it seem like I am blaming him if I dare "complain" to him about another person’s actions. Instead of saying something supportive to me like "Ya, she really had a screw loose!" or something to that effect, he asks "What do you want me to do about it?"
I don’t want him to do anything. I’m not asking him to run after the lady and beat the heck out of her. I’m simply looking for some supportive words from my own spouse!
Is this a guy thing? Why does he treat me like this?
The fact that he would say that to you obviously shows that there’s something wrong. Either he doesn’t care about it, or he’s unhappy for some reason or another. When my husband gets short with me, it’s usually because he isn’t getting things his way. acting cold is another way for men to sulk.
Can you think of anything earlier that he might be upset about (didn’t get to do something he wanted to, felt like he was being dragged along)? if this happens often, perhaps he in unhappy in general?
it’s not really a "guy thing" it’s an unhappy thing. I’m sure you’ve done it to him once or twice where he looks to you for assurance or a comment but you were unhappy because you didn’t get to do something so you said "yeah, whatever."
I think all men are just naturally like this. If I say black, my husband will say white. My husband is just naturally argumentative. Most of the time we see eye to eye, but he is difficult to have a conversation with and I frequently have the same situation as you do.
It doesn’t mean he’s a bad guy, he’s just opinionated. He’s not a wus like some guys are who just do whatever their wives want.
Do you work 40 hours a week? Because I do. I don’t have one of those nice husbands that insist I stay home and take care of the house…I get to do that ON TOP of working a full time job.
Oh I could go on for hours, but you get my point. It’s just one of their many flawed traits.
See, my man would turn around and yell at the person for me. haha
What do you want us to say, you picked him!
I heard somewhere along the way that when a woman hears about someone’s problem they tend to listen and sympathize. When a man hears about someone’s problem, he tends to want to fix it. That may explain a little bit about what’s happening here. My husband goes through streaks. Sometimes I feel I can talk to him about things that bother me but a lot of times he sighs and is like, "I don’t know why they did that…" Well, I didn’t expect you to know why they did it. I wanted you to listen and sympathize while I expressed my frustrations. Or he’ll make it sound like it’s my fault because I haven’t spoken up for myself or that I should expect sh&t like that to happen because that’s the way it has always been at my job, or whatever. So, yeah, you’re not alone in this area!
it sounds like he doesn’t like confrontation. this might work to your advantage if it’s you he isn’t confronting, but sometimes it is appropriate to call someone out for bad behavior. i bet he feels really bad about not swooping in to take care of business at the grocery store but tried to brush it off and make it seem like an insignificant occurrence. unfortunately i think this is something he has to learn to do on his own (being more assertive i mean). if you bring it up and tell him you’re disappointed, he’s just going to feel worse. your best bet is to praise him when he’s assertive and hopefully through positive reinforcement he’ll feel more comfortable about confrontations when the need arises.
I can see what you mean about people being in a hurry, and unaware of others around them – it’s rude. It happens to me.
Maybe "what do you want me to do about it" is the first thing your husband ever has to say, and really, there’s not too much he can do. I’m sure he knows that people out there are sometimes rude and don’t think of others.
I have a friend who is rude and horrible to store clerks and people in stores, generally — and they don’t have to do anything but be alive and breathing. she makes comments, i ignore her completely. I can’t go there i guess?
Your husband isn’t treating you badly, he’s just asking you a question.
OMG, same thing happened once with my wife. she walked over and slammed her into her own cart and says, ‘watch with the cart, you f*ckin’ fat f*ck! my wife is 107 lbs, the fat lady was at least 200lbs.. the lady was in tears, and i was laughing my @ss off.
gosh, i love my wife. she doesn’t need me around to kick some @ss.
As someone else says, I think he is just unsure of how to fix the situation. Next time he asks that question, what do you want me to do about it, be honest and tell him that you just want some supportive words. He is asking, so answer. He needs to know what you expect from him.
Good Luck!